When you think of the word wait, what comes to mind? My first Rorschach response would be, China. Maybe yours would be something different. We all have to wait. Not only daily, but for long term things as well. Wait is kind of the four letter word of the adoption world these days. And rightly so. It’s taken China almost an entire year, I believe, to do child matches for just March 2006. That’s right, 2006. My month is May 2008. You do the math.
While preparing a new Bible study series I’ve been teaching, I came across something that I find enlightening and challenging at the same time. Several months ago, God brought Psalm 37:5-8 to my attention. I have read it and re-read it. I’ve meditated on it and I’ve memorized it. It has become a life preserver to me in moments where the winds and waves of life felt as if they might overwhelm me. Many times those winds and waves have been battled out on the Sea of Waiting.
Nestled inside Psalm 37:7, is a most interesting dichotomy of word meanings, if I’ve ever seen one.
“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways,when they carry out their wicked schemes.” Psalm 37:7 (NIV)
The dichotomy exists within the phrase, “wait patiently”. There are 2 distinct methods to “waiting patiently” found within the original definition as it is used in the context of this verse. I do not profess to be a Biblical scholar, I am a disciple and a student. However, I researched to the best of my ability and the only place in the Old Testament where I can find this Hebrew phrase attached to this meaning is here in Psalm 37:7. “Wait patiently” is used elsewhere but not with this meaning. Let me say that this is merely my interpretation or conjecture. If you disagree, do your own research. I always encourage that. But I can’t help but be curious as to why the phrase “wait patiently” has two distinct meanings within one definition.
Within the original definition there seems to be two schools of thought bouncing back and forth. Quite frankly one of them seems to be the normal reaction to waiting and the other appears to not even realize that waiting is taking place. What seems to be a contradiction to you and to me, may very well be an insight and an invitation into the two mindsets we can choose from when we endure a time of waiting.
Here are the two schools of thought expressed in the original Hebrew definition for “wait patiently” as it is found within Psalm 37:7.
First, you can wait patiently in this way: to dance, to twist or whirl (like a little girl), wait carefully, to hope, rest, trust, tarry
Or you can try and wait patiently like this: to writhe in pain, give birth, fear, grieve, to be sore, shake, sorrowful, tremble, to be wounded.
You choose.
The first gives us the visual of a little girl dancing and twirling without a care in the world. How can she possibly dance while she has to wait? Because she knows that her Daddy has it all under control. If He’s in control, she doesn’t have to be. If He’s in control, she can trust that everything will be alright, even when the wind and the waves are cresting over her head.
As she dances and twirls while Daddy works, she can do so with hope. She can spend that time resting and preparing herself for the next great opportunity He’s bringing her way. She can trust Him. His best is BEST. Why would she want anything else? She can also dance and twirl and whirl while she tarries. To tarry is to linger in expectation. Quite simply, she can get her hopes up. Way up. Because one day soon, that expectation is going to become reality and rather than being tired from the journey, she’ll be energized and refreshed.
Or…..you can wait in a painful way. Writhing in pain like a woman about to give birth. You can fear every single imaginable obstacle to your path. You can fear calamities, unforseen tragedies, and dashed hopes. You can grieve at how long it is taking to realize your dream or to obtain that for which you wait. You can be sore at God for not fulfilling your desires or saying ‘yes’ to your prayers, right here, right now. You can tremble and shake at the possible things that could go wrong. You can add this experience to list of your wounds and ask ‘why me?’ as each day passes.
Can I be honest? There have been plenty of days on this journey of waiting for Hope, that I have chosen to wait painfully. I have thought of every thing that could go wrong. I’ve thought of how I want my boys to know her now, not when they are in their 20’s and making a life of their own. I’ve worried about my husband losing his job in an unstable economy and not having the money to finish out our adoption. Each day truly does have enough worries of its own, doesn’t it?
At the beginning of this wait, I heard someone say that they considered their waiting time to be a season of preparation. I love that. God is not just preparing our child for us, He’s preparing us for our child. It’s not that she’s not ready. It’s not that China isn’t moving fast enough. Sure, in the world’s eyes all that is true. In Heaven’s eyes, there’s much more going on. I’m being prepared to be the Mom of a daughter after 15 years in a house full of men. My husband’s heart is being prepared to take in not only a precious little girl, but one who needs lots of love and protection. Our boys are being prepared to share Mom and Dad and to embrace the expanding of our family. Our finances are being prepared. And deep within all of us, God is still working, re-arranging and renovating our lives for the big day.
I have a little button on my Facebook page that for me says it best: Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So with that thought in mind, I once more board His ship to sail on the Sea of Waiting. This time dancing and twirling because I may not know where we’re headed, but I know the Captain.