Waiting For Hope

She’s Coming Home! August 10, 2010

I have two things you are not going to believe! First, we got THE CALL!!!!!!!! Second, we got it on July 14th and its taken me this long to let you know. But if you knew what has happened in this house in just 4 short weeks, you’d understand and hopefully forgive me!

We got the call on Wednesday, July 14th at 2:40pm. Out of the blue. We had been told that we may get a possible match this summer, but there were still approximately 150 families ahead of us. I don’t know what happened and I don’t care! All I know is finally, after three long years….she’s coming home.

Her name is Dang Qing Lan (dahng ching lan) and she is 2 1/2 years old. She is in the Henan Province of China. She had open heart surgery last year to repair her VSD (hole in the ventricle of her heart). All her tests say she is now healthy and healed. We’ll have her completely checked out once she’s home. She is absolutely beautiful and she shares her brother Justin’s birthday, January 12th. Like labor pains, things have moved rapidly since July 14th.  There are four pieces of paperwork/steps that you have to go through before you can leave to get your child. We are past three of them and were told it would take up to three months to get where we’ve gotten in 4 weeks. We are on a roller coaster of magnificent proportions at the Brady house.

We could leave in as soon as 5 weeks, but no later than 9 weeks. Our boys will be going with us and we are still counting on God to provide all the finances we are going to need to bring this to fruition. John started a new job with a new company the week after we got the call, so that is another new thing springing up over here at the Brady House. Justin started school today, Austin starts at the end of the month and we are planning the trip of a lifetime in between. The room still needs to be finished. Car seats, high chairs, clothes, strollers are all yet to be purchased. My precious friends threw us a wonderful shower that had already been on the calendar long before we got the call, so it was so exciting to have the shower and be able to share her face with everyone.

Here are some ways you can pray for us:
1- Sanity! That we have clarity with all that is swirling about. That we trust Father every step of the way and with every single detail.
2-Please pray for Hope. She is 12 hours ahead of us. Our greatest day of joy will be the day her world turned upside down. She will have no idea what is happening to her, who we are, and why she is being given away by her caretakers. She will then be dressed differently, eat differently, be cared for differently and go across the world to a place she doesn’t know. Pray that God’s peace will flood her heart and soul. That she’ll know she is safe with us and that she will quickly rest in her new life as our daughter.
3- Our family’s safety. There are lots of floods and earthquakes happening in Asia right now. Please pray that our trip is uneventful. That we are safe on the ground and in the air. That we all stay safe and healthy and that we adjust and then readjust to our time zones.
4- God’s financial provision.

Thank you so much. I’ve attached a picture of our beautiful girl and a recent photo of our family.

Love to you all,
Amy

God has blessed us with many photos of our baby girl. I joined a yahoo group of families who’ve adopted from her orphanage and lo and behold found pictures of her in the photo albums of other families! Does He spoil us or what??? This is one of my favorites of sweet Hope.

This photo was taken at the taping of the HOMECOMING with Rick Reilly show on ESPN. My husband, John was Emmitt Smith’s high school QB and was a part of the taping. Great night and the family was able to spend some time with the all time leading rusher after the event. Who also happens to be a wonderful godly man.

Update on Hope May 25, 2010

I wanted to update all of you on our adoption of Hope. What a ride this journey has been! As an act of trust and faith in God I am going to let you in on what is going on. See, I have this little area of my heart that I struggle to give God. It’s the area of my hope and the area of my joy. I often don’t allow myself to get super excited about the things I long for the most. I mean, after all, what if it doesn’t happen? The disappointment I fear will be too great for my heart. But God has in the past three years constantly encouraged me to “get my hopes up”.  For most of my life, “getting my hopes up” was considered a very risky thing to do. As a result I have missed out on mounds of joy He had planned for me. Well, not this time. Yesterday God gave me His very words:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”- John 10:10

He reminded me that my Enemy has come to steal my joy and destroy my hope.  My Enemy wants something that doesn’t and never has belonged to him, my joy. It’s a fruit of the Spirit, so he can’t possibly ever have it for himself. So, he tries to steal mine and not so he can enjoy it. He wants it for himself so he can destroy it. But God is making me stronger everyday and I have to admit the Enemy isn’t going to have it without an all out, female, hair-pulling, cat fight. I have waited two long years for God to bring Hope to us and I intend to enjoy every ounce of joy He has tucked into this journey. So, I’m putting my hopes out there and trusting them to God.  So, come on in, sit with me and let me share with you what God is doing in my family.

Up until this year, nothing has moved, not even an inch, in the world of Chinese adoption. Next week, on the 28th, will be our two year anniversary of the beginning of the wait for Hope. Though I have wanted her home every single day of the last two years, I wouldn’t trade the treasures God has taught me along the way. I feel I’m much better prepared for her now than I was two years ago. Not completely prepared, but better prepared.

At the end of last year, with adoptions not progressing, we began to ask God if perhaps He had something else in mind for us. We began to seek His guidance through prayer. This verse and many others began to surface often as we prayed, “..From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.” (Luke 12:48-NASB) I began to wonder if maybe God wanted us to go beyond adoption, which is already such a huge thing for us. Maybe He was asking us to do “all the more”. We began to pray about adopting a child with special needs. I have to admit, though a special needs adoption crossed my mind when we began, I just didn’t even feel I could consider it and John felt the same way. But through God’s perfect timing, He brought us to this place and after months of prayer and research, we now have paperwork in the system to adopt a special needs child from China.

The big news is that special needs adoption is picking up speed in China. There’s even a strong possibility we could receive our match in the next 3-4 months!!! It would be another month or two until we would travel, but that means she could be home by Christmas!!! Please pray for this. Here are some things we’d like to ask you to pray about:

1- Her swift arrival this summer!!!
2- That God would continue to provide financially. We have about $20,510 in costs still left. Yes, you saw that right, $20,000. Which is why we’ve set up the Hope Fund in her honor, where loved ones can help by giving towards her homecoming. Would you write this amount down on paper and place it in your Bible for us? Each time you come across it, please pray that God would provide for us. “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.”-2 Chronicles 20:10
3- That God’s provision would provide for the boys to travel with us.
4- Hope’s daily life in the orphanage. She will either have congenital heart disease (minor) or she’ll have a partial hearing loss. These are the needs we felt led to. Please pray for her healing. Pray also for her life in the orphanage. The conditions are tough. We pray she has plenty to eat, stays healthy, has favor with the ayis (nannies), is warm when she’s cold, and cool when she’s hot. That she has a friendly and inviting disposition that warms the hearts of her caregivers.
5- That she attaches and bonds beautifully to our family. Orphans can often have attachment disorders and be in need of occupational therapies to help with developmental delays. We pray she has none of the above.
6-That God will keep our family and our sweet Hope on your hearts and minds.

Thanks everyone!
Amy, John, Austin and Justin

Everything Old is New Again January 26, 2010

In less than two years (hopefully MUCH sooner than that) I’ll be a Mommy again. Sometimes that scares me, but most of the time it makes my heart skip a beat. I can’t wait to hear that “swish” sound diapers make when the person in them is coming to greet you. I am also looking forward to lots of hugs and kisses. I still get those, but sometimes with a little more wrangling. Fifteen and twelve year olds still have lots of love to give, but rather than a staple every hour of the day their hugs and kisses are like pearls of great price, savored and appreciated because they’re more rare.

I also can’t wait to buy Goldfish again, for snacking in small amounts. I had to stop buying Goldfish around here. It just seems pointless to buy a whole bag that never spends one night in the pantry. It is immediately consumed. And I do mean immediately. You know you’ve crossed over into a different season of life when you can’t afford to buy Goldfish anymore. I heard a Mommy shopping in Target today laughing at all the cute things her little ones were saying. I remember those days. I remember going to Wal-mart or Target armed like a soldier ready for battle. Diapers/wipes…check. Juice boxes…check. Goldfish…check. Favorite toy…check. And always some last resort item in case all the others weren’t exactly enticing enough that particular day.

In my future lies a new and exciting adventure of PINK and PURPLE! I hope it does at least, she may be blue-kinda girl. I can finally make believe in a way I can relate to. Rather than being a part of a pit crew, I can finally be the princess I was meant to be all along. I get to dress up in pretty things and never, ever fear that I’ll be run through by a sword or shot with a pistol chewed out of a piece of toast. Sigh….more estrogen is on its way. (And yes, I do know what that means…but I am the original drama queen, so I’m hoping to handle it well. Wish me luck.)

I am really excited that I get to do “firsts” all over again. First haircut. First blankie. First birthday (with us at least). First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first Easter. First vacation. First night in the crib alone….no, wait…I’m not looking forward to that one. I always liked letting ours sleep with us often. All the different explorations of each new day: foods, books, playgrounds, friends, places and people.

I never thought I’d be an older Mommy. Ever. The “plan” you see, was to marry young, which we did. (I turned 20 two weeks before we married, John was 22.) Then have our first child five years later. He came three years later to the day. Then we’d enjoy him a while, not rushing into our second child, which we did for three great years. By age 26 I was done. I wanted more children, but it didn’t happen as fast as the other two, so we decided to call it a done deal. After all, I reasoned, I have always wanted to adopt, so maybe if we change our mind, we can use that opportunity to adopt.

We had grand plans of RV’ing through the United States when the boys went to college. Going on trips together, taking dancing lessons together, cooking classes, you name it. Being fond of older parents (i.e. Abraham and Sarah, Zachariah and Elizabeth, etc.) I think God had a much different plan in mind. When we started the adoption process, I had just turned 36 and John was 38, almost 39. Now, I’m 38 and he turns 41 next week. And as you know, we still have another year or two ahead of us. But I have noticed something. There is something sweet about parenting as an older parent. You get a huge do-over, if you take the opportunity. You get to apply all the wisdom you’ve learned from nearly 20 years of parenting. You get over stuff quicker and hopefully wig out less. You know that yes, in the end, it’ll be alright. And truly, this too shall pass. They won’t die from eating expired foods and a fever though scary, is just a fever.

You know they’ll survive the meanness of others and it’ll even serve to make them stronger. Thus, relieving me of the need to pummel a second-grader on their behalf. You know that they are much happier with three Christmas presents than thirty and that yes, they can do Santa and understand the true meaning of Christmas all at the same time. You learn that not letting them have all the candy and junk does actually make them healthier and you’re not just a meany-weany.

Older parents, well, I can’t think of a better way to stay young. So many people think getting older is all about them. But I would like to think if aging has taught me anything it’s that life is never about me. Never has been, never will be. Spending myself on behalf of others? I can’t think of a better way to live our older years (though 40 IS the new 30, you know). In the words of Helen Keller, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” I suspect we are in for a daring adventure. After all she’s Chinese and they respect their elders, right? So, buckle up Daddy. We’re in for the ride of our life.

The Adoption Road January 21, 2010

We were invited to experience the adoption road, with all it’s potholes and unexpected turns. It was on that road that we discovered the heart of God. (James 1:27)

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on my blog. And for good reason. Our adoption road has taken a new, unexpected turn. At the end of last year, it became quite apparent to me (and others, I’m sure) that there is not yet a light at the end of the China adoption tunnel. I mean, there’s a light…it’s just not bright enough to be seen with the naked eye. It took the CCAA about a year to do one month’s worth of adoption dossiers. There are about two years of adoption dossiers ahead of us. If they continue at the same pace, well, you do the math. I do believe it will get better. Do I think people will wait a decade for their child? No. Will there likely, barring a miracle from our Lord, be major progress in the next year? Probably not. But I do still believe that God has a plan. He has a purpose in all this. We are not all victims of some cosmic mishap and chaos.

As I stared at the referral information on our agency’s website, I had to ask, “God, what are you saying to us?” “Are you saying something to us through this situation?” Next came the scariest words a believer can sometimes utter, “Lord, I’m listening.”

Over the holidays, I began to feel that God may be asking us to do more. Now, that may sound like regular adoption is something small and trivial or that it is somehow not as noble as adopting a child with special needs. That is not what I am saying at all. Adoption of any kind is a HUGE undertaking: financially, emotionally, spiritually, logistically. But what I mean is that in our minds the big task was adopting at all and it is. But I began to wonder if God wanted us to do even more. Quite frankly, it scared me. What if He asks us to take on a situation that is too big for us? Now I know in my head that God will not do that without equipping us in every way, but work with me here. One does not always think rationally in these situations.

I’ve always seen people with special needs children or who adopt special needs children as being part of some sort of heroic sphere of human nature. Not normal, everyday, people like us who muddle through the chaos of life and try to juggle basic everyday circumstances. In my mindd, they are people who have a greater compassion, a greater patience, a greater emotional endurance than me.

From the beginning, we did not feel led to the special needs program. Adoption, with a teen and tween son already under our belt, was challenge enough. To be honest, I really didn’t open my heart to the possibility God may want us in the special needs program. I kind of had a sneaking suspicion that if I did open my heart, it may never close. I was trying to take baby steps, which is not like me at all. I run headlong into matters of the heart. But I’ve tried to be more practical than usual with our adoption.

Back in 2008, when we were logged in at the CCAA and the wait began, the thought of a special needs adoption crossed my mind once more. But I knew that I distinctly heard God saying, “No” or at least “Not yet.” I didn’t want to pursue a special needs adoption merely as a means to “speeding up” our wait time. I knew it would need to be a calling. God illustrated this point to me in the most unique way. Every time I got out of a long line to get in a short line, the long line would finish before my short line would. If I was in traffic, the grocery store, a theme park, a mall, you name it, this life lesson would play out before me. Being a little on the hard-headed side, I would still pull out of the long line to “shorten” my time, until one day I thought that maybe God was trying to teach me something. So I stopped doing it. I made myself wait. I tried to cultivate patience at the most basic human level possible. I truly felt like God was saying, “Don’t take matters into your hands. Things are not as they seem. Wait.”

Here we are in 2010. I have no idea what this year holds for the Brady family, but I think my little girl may be coming home, at least I “hope” she will. We have been praying and have decided to investigate the special needs program. We’ve met with countless families of children with special needs, we have appointments with a specialist in a few weeks, all our paperwork is totally up to date and ready to go whenever we are ready to make it official.

So once more our adoption road has taken an unexpected turn. We realize that special needs isn’t so scary after all. That no child, not even the ones born from my womb, come with a medical guarantee. Their lives are in God’s hands as much as Hope’s life is. There’s even a part of me that is excited at the possibility of my world and my heart expanding in ways I had never dreamed possible. One thing is for sure. I am sure when we reach the end of this road, with all its potholes and unexpected turns, the one thing we will for sure have discovered is the very heart of God. So, lead on Great Shepherd, we’re right behind you.

This blog was inspired by a fantastic blog I found called, The Adoption Road. The version of James 1:27 used at the top of this post was on their home page. You can visit them at adoptionroad.wordpress.com

© 2010 Amy Brady Ministries. All Rights Reserved

A Stream in the Desert November 18, 2009

God knows my heart is in China. Searching, looking for Hope. Has she arrived? How much longer will it be until she’s safe at home with us? I don’t utter these words aloud. They are tucked deep into the recesses of my heart. I twirl them around like my hair around my fingertips, just pondering it all. Yesterday was one of those days. The days when a Holy God interrupts my thoughts. When He speaks to my inward groaning. Groans of wanting my faith to be my eyes. I started the day as usual, reading out of the only devotional I’ve used the past six years or so, Streams in the Desert. When it ceases to minister to me, I’ll find a new devotional. But that hasn’t happened yet. I’ve posted the November 17 entry, which was the Word of the Lord for me on that day, maybe it will speak to you as well. I finished the reading off with a good cry. I highly recommend that too for those of you, like me, who are waiting and hoping.

“Hear what the unjust judge saith. And shall not God avenge his own elect which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them? I tell you that he will avenge them speedily” (Luke 18:6-7).

God’s seasons are not at your beck. If the first stroke of the flint doth not bring forth the fire, you must strike again. God will hear prayer, but He may not answer it at the time which we in our minds have appointed; He will reveal Himself to our seeking hearts, but not just when and where we have settled in our own expectations. Hence the need of perseverance and importunity in supplication.

In the days of flint and steel and brimstone matches we had to strike and strike again, dozens of times, before we could get a spark to live in the tinder; and we were thankful enough if we succeeded at last.

Shall we not be as persevering and hopeful as to heavenly things? We have more certainty of success in this business than we had with our flint and steel, for we have God’s promises at our back.

Never let us despair. God’s time for mercy will come; yea, it has come, if our time for believing has arrived. Ask in faith nothing wavering; but never cease from petitioning because the King delays to reply. Strike the steel again. Make the sparks fly and have your tinder ready; you will get a light before long. –C. H. Spurgeon

I do not believe that there is such a thing in the history of God’s kingdom as a right prayer offered in a right spirit that is forever left unanswered.  –Theodore L. Cuyler

Sailing on the Sea of Waiting November 4, 2009

When you think of the word wait, what comes to mind? My first Rorschach response would be, China. Maybe yours would be something different. We all have to wait. Not only daily, but for long term things as well. Wait is kind of the four letter word of the adoption world these days. And rightly so. It’s taken China almost an entire year, I believe, to do child matches for just March 2006.  That’s right, 2006. My month is May 2008. You do the math.

While preparing a new Bible study series I’ve been teaching, I came across something that I find enlightening and challenging at the same time.  Several months ago, God brought Psalm 37:5-8 to my attention. I have read it and re-read it. I’ve meditated on it and I’ve memorized it. It has become a life preserver to me in moments where the winds and waves of life felt as if they might overwhelm me. Many times those winds and waves have been battled out on the Sea of Waiting.

Nestled inside Psalm 37:7, is a most interesting dichotomy of word meanings, if I’ve ever seen one.

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways,when they carry out their wicked schemes.” Psalm 37:7 (NIV)

The dichotomy exists within the phrase, “wait patiently”. There are 2 distinct methods to “waiting patiently” found within the original definition as it is used in the context of this verse. I do not profess to be a Biblical scholar, I am a disciple and a student.  However, I researched to the best of my ability and the only place in the Old Testament where I can find this Hebrew phrase attached to this meaning is here in Psalm 37:7. “Wait patiently” is used elsewhere but not with this meaning.  Let me say that this is merely my interpretation or conjecture. If you disagree, do your own research. I always encourage that. But I can’t help but be curious as to why the phrase “wait patiently” has two distinct meanings within one definition.

Within the original definition there seems to be two schools of thought bouncing back and forth. Quite frankly one of them seems to be the normal reaction to waiting and the other appears to not even realize that waiting is taking place. What seems to be a contradiction to you and to me, may very well be an insight and an invitation into the two mindsets we can choose from when we endure a time of waiting.

Here are the two schools of thought expressed in the original Hebrew definition for “wait patiently” as it is found within Psalm 37:7.

First, you can wait patiently in this way:  to dance, to twist or whirl (like a little girl), wait carefully, to hope, rest, trust, tarry

Or you can try and wait patiently like this:  to writhe in pain, give birth, fear, grieve, to be sore, shake, sorrowful, tremble, to be wounded.

You choose.

The first gives us the visual of a little girl dancing and twirling without a care in the world. How can she possibly dance while she has to wait? Because she knows that her Daddy has it all under control. If He’s in control, she doesn’t have to be. If He’s in control, she can trust that everything will be alright, even when the wind and the waves are cresting over her head.

As she dances and twirls while Daddy works, she can do so with hope. She can spend that time resting and preparing herself for the next great opportunity He’s bringing her way. She can trust Him. His best is BEST. Why would she want anything else? She can also dance and twirl and whirl while she tarries. To tarry is to linger in expectation. Quite simply, she can get her hopes up.  Way up. Because one day soon, that expectation is going to become reality and rather than being tired from the journey, she’ll be energized and refreshed.

Or…..you can wait in a painful way. Writhing in pain like a woman about to give birth. You can fear every single imaginable obstacle to your path. You can fear calamities, unforseen tragedies, and dashed hopes. You can grieve at how long it is taking to realize your dream or to obtain that for which you wait. You can be sore at God for not fulfilling your desires or saying ‘yes’ to your prayers, right here, right now. You can tremble and shake at the possible things that could go wrong. You can add this experience to list of your wounds and ask ‘why me?’ as each day passes.

Can I be honest? There have been plenty of days on this journey of waiting for Hope, that I have chosen to wait painfully.  I have thought of every thing that could go wrong. I’ve thought of how I want my boys to know her now, not when they are in their 20′s and making a life of their own.  I’ve worried about my husband losing his job in an unstable economy and not having the money to finish out our adoption. Each day truly does have enough worries of its own, doesn’t it?

At the beginning of this wait, I heard someone say that they considered their waiting time to be a season of preparation. I love that. God is not just preparing our child for us, He’s preparing us for our child. It’s not that she’s not ready. It’s not that China isn’t moving fast enough. Sure, in the world’s eyes all that is true. In Heaven’s eyes, there’s much more going on. I’m being prepared to be the Mom of a daughter after 15 years in a house full of men. My husband’s heart is being prepared to take in not only a precious little girl, but one who needs lots of love and protection. Our boys are being prepared to share Mom and Dad and to embrace the expanding of our family. Our finances are being prepared. And deep within all of us, God is still working, re-arranging and renovating our lives for the big day.

I have a little button on my Facebook page that for me says it best: Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. So with that thought in mind, I once more board His ship to sail on the Sea of Waiting. This time dancing and twirling because I may not know where we’re headed, but I know the Captain.

The Run Around July 23, 2009

Red tape. Bureaucracy. The good ole boys system. Call it whatever you want. To me, it’s simply the run around. I left on a few adoption paperwork errands this afternoon. The police station for our clearance report and the doctor’s office for our family health clearance report. Both had snafoos. My husband calls me while I’m out and says he has the doctor’s office on the other line. They need to have documentation (though they can’t seem to tell him what kind) that my thyroid is clear and I’m healthy in that regard. Hmmmm….that’s funny, I tell him. They didn’t seem to care about that last year when I was doing the paperwork for our dossier. My doctor’s office however is known for making mountains out of molehills and small requests into acts of Congress. So, I’m not surprised, but frustrated nonetheless.

What part of, we-are-trying-to-adopt-an-orphaned-child do these offices and administrations not seem to get? I mean, they even have a bill before Congress to take away the adoption tax credit. I guess we’re not interested in helping families to adopt and love the over 140 million orphans in the world today. Interesting. We don’t mind funding a woman’s right to choose, but it seems we’re just not that into funding a woman’s right to love .

I called the police station before leaving just to verify the identification they needed from me to give us our clearance reports. Unfortunately, the clerk didn’t have an “a-ha” moment and let me know their office had moved….just three weeks ago. Wouldn’t that kind of info, be in the front of your mind to share? I guess not. So, back in the car, to the new location, wait……out the door with new reports and wrong information on them. Sigh……..

These are the days that make me just want to call it a night at 7:30 pm.  I am continually reminded how easy it is going to be to become discouraged along this journey.  After sharing a little shout out to my Facebook community about my adoption errands, I was sent well wishes, keep your chin ups and you go girls. It really did lift my spirits. It is nice to know, we’re not alone. I know we have Jesus and God is so on the throne in our adoption journey. But it is still nice to know that there are folks out there, some whom I have never had the pleasure of even meeting, who are cheering us on.

I am finding that adoption is much like ministry. You just can’t understand the dynamics it brings into play in your life, unless you’ve been there or are there. Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes really does give you a perspective you are incapable of having otherwise. I feel so honored to be a part of the adoption community. I’ve wanted to be a part of it for a long time. When other we knew were adopting and we weren’t quite “there yet” in moving forward with ours, I would feel so happy for them but my heart would sink at the same time. I wanted to be where they were. Now I am. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Even if I have to wait a lot longer than I’m hoping.

I’ve seen plaques in those cutesy gift shops that say, “Friends are the family you choose.” Indeed. Our fellow adoptive Mommies and Daddies are becoming like family to us, a real community of hearts. There are also sweet, gracious people who have chosen to come alongside us and walk this journey even though they’ve never adopted. I remember the privilege of walking that road with other friends in the past. It is such an honor to pray them through in every way. In fact, if adoption isn’t your calling (and it’s not everyone’s) then praying for an adoption journey is about the next best thing, in my humble opinion. Without those of you who do that, the journey and the load is much heavier for those of us on the path to our child.

When my brother was young, he played every single sport known to man. My Mom is a real sports enthusiast and she enjoyed it. I remember one game in particular, where my brother got the football and headed for the end zone. When my Mom realized he was gonna go “all the way”, she took off. She ran the entire length of the field, down the sidelines, with him into the end zone, cheering and freaking out all the way. It was great and its one of my favorite memories of her as my Mom.

When you love on and pray for and encourage a family going through a paper pregnancy and a long adoption wait you are like my Mom. You are running the distance with us. You are seeing the goal, the prize if you will ahead of us. You are reminding us of that prize and you are cheering us on to ultimate victory. Victory in and through Him.  So thanks for being a vessel of His love and keep it coming, because this journey isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon.

© 2009 Amy Brady Ministries. All Rights Reserved

The Weight of the Wait July 16, 2009

I really feel fine. Really. We are one year into what we hope will be no longer than a three year wait. We hope. Our first set of immigration paperwork will expire soon and it’s time to re-file. I got the email from our agency and the always thorough checklist of what was needed to re-file and when. You’d think I would’ve woke up early the next day to dive headlong into another paper pregnancy, but I didn’t. I didn’t even know why I didn’t, I just….didn’t.

Three weeks later a little bit of panic that I may not make the deadline began to settle in and I set about reading the 20 page re-file packet. And that’s when it happened. The weight…it came back. That old, familiar feeling right in the center of my heart. That feeling that reminded me that I’m waiting for Hope. On other days, I keep busy with life. I have two very active boys, 14 and 11. There is never, ever a dull moment. Our house is usually a flurry of activity and meals, lots of them….often. Between school, summer requests, meals, shopping, play dates, practices, mini vacations, etc. I am pretty distracted from the weight of the wait. I know she’s coming and I believe with all my heart that God is totally in control. Not China. Not CCAA. God is the One who is weaving Hope’s life into a beautiful tapestry, one strand at a time.

I am not fearful. I am not distraught. I am not even worried. I am just waiting, or maybe I should say, “weighting”. Every once and a while, I feel the heaviness of not having her in my arms, not hearing her laughter, not staring at her while she sleeps. I miss her and she’s not even here yet. When asked how many children I have, I always include her. I am a Mom of three children. Two who are with me and one who is being woven and spun in the Creator’s hand.

As I drove my paperwork to our agency, never trusting it to any post office to handle it with care, I began to feel tears seeping out of my eyes. I was truly surprised. Yes, I felt the weight as I drove, but couldn’t really identify its source. But as the tears flowed I knew they were tears of hope and tears for Hope. My beautiful little girl who is yet to be and yet alive in me.  She meets me in my dreams quite often. We love to laugh and play there. But then she has to leave, if even for a little while.

I feared walking into our agency and losing it…absolutely losing it on those poor employees who try so hard to stay strong for those of us who are in it for the long haul. I quickly called my best friend and told her to pray over me and fast. She did and we just invited Jesus to walk with me hand in hand into that office. To give me a strength I did not possess at the moment and to well, get ‘er done.

I walked up to the door of the agency with so much emotion. As if I was going to be interviewed as to my worthiness of this adoption and the door was locked. I was sick. Had I not checked their hours? I should’ve called before I came, it had actually entered into my mind to do so and I got distracted with my tears. Ugh…now I have to go through this all over again. “Jesus….please…..” And about that time, a sweet and gracious employee of the agency walked up. She’d stepped out to get some lunch. I laid all my paperwork on the counter and a few checks (we’re trusting you Jesus…) with all the pride of a new Mom. For now, my paperwork are my ultrasound pictures. It’s what makes it all so real to me. Why else would we tell someone every stinkin’ detail of every single aspect of our lives? Oh, but she is SO worth it.

As I left the office, knowing there is still another wave of papers to be completed, I felt relieved.  I needed to see those sweet faces on the wall, displaying all the children our  agency has placed in loving homes. I needed to chat with my friends there and just, well, talk a bit. Thankfully I had previously reserved some time at a local tea room to be alone, unbeknownst to myself that I’d be at the agency on the same day. That was Jesus too. We just sat, He and I, sipping tea, feeling the weight and being so thankful that I can. I’m getting a daughter and this weight is like any other pregnancy weight. It’s heavy, it accumulates and it’s coming off real soon.

On my way home, I went to my hairdresser for a touch up. Her 5:00, got stuck across town, so she squeezed me in. Her chair always takes away my blues for a bit. As I was leaving, her appointment finally showed up. She said, “Oh, Amy, I’ve been wanting you to meet Sherry.” I introduced myself and my friend and hairdresser said, “Amy…..her girls.” When I took a closer look, I saw two of the most precious little girls….from China.  “Oh, Father. Thank you. Thank you for this little reminder, this glimpse. Thank you for reminding me that You know exactly what is on my heart and that You have not forgotten us and You have not forgotten Hope.”

Yes, the weight of the wait is indeed heavy. It’s long, it’s labor. But He will never leave us , nor forsake us. Of this I am sure. And I have His Word to keep me company. And a little girl, in my dreams.

“But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.” Habakkuk 2:3

john test September 14, 2008

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